It wasn't a dream...

I literally went to bed praying that this was all some crazy twilight zone dream. IT WASN'T!! I have been talking to my best friend and starting to feel like Vanessa's first instinct might be the best one for her...GOD HELP ME!! Vanessa has dreams she has plans for her future. Right now she only has a mass of cells in her and I want this problem gone. I talked to her and told her this is her choice and I will stand behind her no matter what she does. Her life. Her body. I don't know if I am more angry or embarrassed at this point. I have the "perfect" teenage daughters. Vanessa works her butt off, walked to McDonald's as soon as she was old enough to work and got a job on her own! Saved her money and put herself through drivers ed. Went on to buy her own car. Good grades. AND WE HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP. I mean I did everything "they" say to do!I didn't even need "them" to tell me it was natural for me to talk to my girls since they were little! I talked to her! I put her on birth control. I was up front and there were no "off limits" questions. If i thought my girls were too shy to ask i just told them. So how does this happen to ME?! (I mean her) NOT REALLY I really mean me. I am exhausted. It's so funny how you can be 100% wholeheartedly against something. And stand in complete judgement of others until you have to walk in their shoes...

The news

My head is spinning. I am holding my breath. I am in the bathroom of a dollar general store with my 17 year old daughter. Praying in my mind that she doesn't have to go down the same path that I did. She finishes peeing and hands me the stick. Before I can even get my eyes focused good on the little window. There it is, a plus sign. The whole window isn't even wet so I hope against hope that when the three minutes are up it will somehow change. Now the tears start to well as I tell her, "well go ahead and flush. And while your flushing just know that you have just flushed your life away!" Now I'm in a fog walking around the store trying to gather my thoughts. I am angry. I feel like my head is about to explode...I'm hot I can't even speak. When I do speak I am screaming..."your movie plans you had for tonight go ahead and cancel those! You will be in your room until further notice!" Now we are at the car I am in full blown tears. She is comforting ME! "Don't cry mom," she says and we hug. what do you mean don't cry. You are a good student you have everything going for you! Your life is JUST about to take flight and now what?! NOW what?! She hugs me again..."I'm sorry mom." I wipe my tears...Well, what ARE you gonna do? "I don't know, abortion," she says with a big question mark on her face. I stare in to her beautiful brown eyes...Let's go home....